The only thing that gets me every time as an artist is when you walk in into your new working space. It can be an old theatre venue or a nowhere stage, it doesn’t matter; by the time you’re wondering around, you start to get used to the backstage, the rehearsals and the usual rhythm of bringing words on paper to life. This is what creativity feels like. Bringing light into a new perspective, connecting with an audience and provoking versatile opinions. It feels like it’s more than art itself. It’s an ultimatum. It’s unique.
The greyness of London reminds me why everyone keeps up with such high pace. I believe if you stop for a second in a metropolis like this one you’ll be devoured by a huge hole of emptiness where bitterness resigns. If I could describe this city in one word it would be “proactive-in-ecstasy” (because even tough it’s killing you, we still do it). We run to work, we go home to some frozen food, we consume media we don’t need, we stay vibrant in an environment that swallows the art of mesmerizing. “this is it”, they say. I don’t agree. I keep saying over and over to my self-conscious-survival-instinct: “if everything goes to shit, let’s move somewhere new and hate all of it all over again”. The truth is “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.”; and life it’s a funny ping-pong game between these silver linings.
The last couple of days have been dark and edgy in the most unexpected way. London is a harsh business jungle where everything seems to be designed for one thing only: work hard. This mixture between industrial Frankfurt sights, cultural ethnic Berlin and a touch of British taste has an explosive result on these Londoners. I’ve been wondering why I was so fascinated with this particular city… perhaps the english charm has been lost or maybe this is a new decade defining a new capital. Nothing is perfect. I’ll stick to my goals, the people who I love and my curiosity. After all, that’s all I’ve got.
Sometimes you just need a reality check. We need to think that we’ll not be living miserably and we’re responsible for making the best we can for ourselves. Everything will be fine. When you’re leaving a place that’s so close to your heart, it feels like you have to choose between love and going abroad. After several anxiety attacks (of my personal experience), I’ve decided the best thing to do dealing with this signs of “weakness” (being uncomfortable, insecure, fragile) it’s simply to avoid thinking that you don’t deserve this “new reality”. Avoid conceiving bad thoughts. It sounds simple but it can be incredibly hard sometimes. We’re all human and we deserve happiness. It’s our nature. So, when you think you have to pick between two or three (or even more) of your own personal conquests, don’t make a choice. You deserve everything. We live in times where we can communicate with anyone we want and still be together through it all. That’s what matters in the end.
I cannot believe that February (and Monday) are already here! London preparations have been crazy scheduling around some last-minute tasks before moving abroad. I can’t get enough of this new sense of reaching something that I thought it was beyond my imagination… I believe that’s why (unconsciously) I kept this key chain. It has been ten years since my first visit to London and now it’s time to commit to a new chapter: full of opportunities, life, changes, mistakes, adventures. I will not settle for less than learning in a brand-new-wide city. let’s go!
Exactly one year ago I began the first chapter of my journey abroad. Still in Europe, I was landing in Germany for (supposedly) four months of hard work… not knowing that I would stay in fact for almost seven. Berlin and Munich were the two main cities I explored, lived and learned the most. At the time I felt like this:
a year later I still feel the same joy/excitement/fear/anxiety when I’m moving somewhere new. This time it’s the U.K. and I can’t wait to write my first thoughts about it. It feels good to begin a new chapter.
This must be the high season of emotional phases. Everything is mixed up in one big cocktail of fulfillment: between quality family time, best friend reunions and MANY Christmas dinners, there’s always time/space to be lazy and feel cosy at the house where you grew up. Time to cherish moments like these that make the world go round and round… an everyday diary that cannot wait to get to 2015. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Enjoy it *